Thomas K’s Dream Diary – August 7th, 2008

When coffee is no longer a tangible thing and exists only as an ethereal question, the sharp derangement of the day has not yet reached its peak.

When this question is answered…

…you will find yourself in a wood-paneled room seated in an appropriately uncomfortable chair, properly underdressed for an occasion of analytical education.

I am surrounded by the most nauseatingly, stereotypically precocious and privileged British snoblings. An extreme emotional reaction, they still illicit, but it is one of eye-rolling snickering if not immediate dismissal given the megawatt spotlight harshly illuminating their faults, powered by the very strength of their caricature. Something of a ratio that eats itself…

A very Jeremy Brett Sherlock Holmes dancingly leads the class in solving an unknown crime. People, places, things, and events that are not in and of themselves crimes, [...]

I am learned…

In The Sporadical’s continuing crusade to uncover overlooked, underground cultural idiosyncrasies that will aid us in transitioning to The Second Surreal and Unnerving Human Empire, we bring you…cows crapping in a field for money!

Cow Chip Bingo!

Traditionally, Cow Chip Bingo is begun by a township painting a grid onto a field, pasture, or the front yard of someone universally disliked by the muttering masses. One may then go to the local corner store and purchase at a cost of $5 - $25 one of the squares in the aforementioned grid.

When all else has been properly prepared, the local crotchety old man, whom has no other responsibilities, grins the only smile of his life as he lets loose the cows, which have been mentally abused over the course of 2-3 years to such an extent that [...]

If Neil Gaiman writes an episode of Doctor Who, the plot will revolve around:

• Some random pre-existing mythology. Spin the wheel…
• Shakespeare meeting Shakespeare and having a threesome with an alien Shakespeare.
• Hailing Satan.
• The Cybermen rebuilt in the image of Morrisey.
• Something otherwise brilliant…

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Doctor Who is a brilliant show. If you are not familiar with it, the general premise follows a mostly quirky Time Lord (alien-type) referred to only as The Doctor, travelling anywhere and everywhere in time and space. When gravely injured, he regenerates into different forms (actors) so that he lives more or less forever in, what should be, increasingly marketable forms.

Given the almost unlimited nature of such a show, its no wonder that it lasted upwards of 26 years until some smart guy took the reigns and started stapling question marks all over everything and the general consensus in England was that it would be best if the show didn’t exist for a few decades.

Despite continuing on in other media and a failed re-launch in 1998, it didn’t really resurface until 2005 when [...]